Dad

My dad. We haven't really had that father / daughter bond that a lot of dads and their girls have. The divorce was hard on me and while I didn't blame my dad it took me a long time to get over it. Having him move out of town didn't help things. I understand things a lot more now in my adult life and my dad and I have really developed our relationship. When I made the decision that it was time to move out of my house, my dad was there for me -- physically helping me move and emotionally being my shoulder to lean on. I will never forget that because it meant so much to me to have his support.

My dad has cancer. He called me Memorial Day weekend to tell me he had to go in for a biopsy. I didn't even have a clue that this bump that he found was going to be anything so major. The results came in -- cancer from his sinuses. I didn't even know such a thing existed. It had spread to his lymph nodes (hence the bump he had felt on his neck) but no further. Ok. Where do we go from here?

He started 7 weeks of radiation and 3 rounds of chemo in July. He just finished a week ago. I saw him before his last week and he was so out of it. He went in that Monday with a blood sugar level of 24. I shudder to think what could have happened with it being that low. He is diabetic so it adds another level of complexity to the cancer.

I went back to see him labor day weekend. I dreaded the drive out there again but helping my dad was worth it. The weekend started off well and then slowly declined from there. Sunday night and Monday morning he really had trouble eating. (They had put in a feeding tube before treatment had started but it got infected so they took it out.) All that radiation to his neck has left the inside and outside burned. I was hoping that the healing process would take over and the pain would start subsiding. I think it gets worse before it gets better.

He went back to the hospital Wednesday. Trying to keep thinking positively and praying. It's just to help him get nourishment. Once he is able to eat and keep things down he will be back at home and really on the road to recovery.

Talking on the phone is hard. It's him but it's not his voice. He can't talk very much because it hurts. I should have called him today but I didn't. Feeling really guilty but it's too late to call now.

Dad -- I love you and am thinking about you.